If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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