How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Life is so much better after having sex.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
