is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
