I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
