At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
