I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
