Cold hands, warm shart.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
