you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
