I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
