Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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