I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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