All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
