So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
