he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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