You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
