And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
