be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
