I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
