I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
