She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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