I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
high people should be assigned attendants
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So vagazzling was a success
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
