I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
