we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
