bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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