i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize