Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
