Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize