I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She even gives head with a lisp.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
