I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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