I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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