I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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