how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize