So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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