i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
