Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
