I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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