I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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