you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Randomize
