you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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