And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
