I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
