haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
