I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I had to cum in my sink.
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