worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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