if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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