your room smells of hookers.
And success
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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