I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize