I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
