the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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