I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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