that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
