My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
