walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
