It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
