no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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