my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
