my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
