the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
