You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
