Four minutes until I can fart!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
