If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
