Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
