I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
