Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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