Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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