he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
