Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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