I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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